Not Sure Where I Stand

DearTrapMary,
I am a 33 year old divorced single mom of two, therefore when I'm out there "looking for love", I am taking a chance with three hearts-not just one. I have gone on many first dates and talked to several men only to find out very quickly they were not worth any more time. I started dating this man about a month and a half ago. He has been divorced for about 1 year and a half with 2 kids, and has also dated.

From our first date, things started off very heavy. He told me a lot of serious things, such as he doesn't want to see any one else, he believes in love at first sight now, he thinks he loves me. The whole first week we were together, things were very intense. We texted many times throughout the day, talked, saw each other several times. He did go through one period that he disappeared for a day as far as I had no contact or response to my texts or calls. His explanation was he is just not a phone person (which he told me), and that he was fine with the way things are going. He is now going through another phase that I don't get a response when I text or call. I make a very conscious effort not to call or text incessantly, and not make him feel smothered. When we are together, things seem fine. He still refers to future events, and getting kids involved.

My questions are: should I worry about the times that he disappears and doesn't respond for a day, or is that a sign? May he just be someone that settles in quickly and doesn't need constant contact? Is this too soon for things to be settling in?

My concerns are obviously about my kids more so than myself. Because of my circumstances, my kids have met him. They really like him and he is great with them. However, before I encourage any more of a relationship with them, I need to know where I stand.
Please help me,
Where Do I Stand

Dear Where Do I Stand,
Your own insecurities are going to kill this relationship off before it gets really started. You've only been seeing this man for a short time, hardly long enough to expect to have a definite answer about where you're headed.

Stop texting and calling him so often. If he doesn't respond, don't send another text or call again. Just wait. I know it's hard not to know, but relationships always start off full of uncertainty. You can't resolve everything and still be in the courting stage of your relationship.

Give him at least nine months to a year before you have to know where you stand. The downside here is that he started out saying he thought he loved you and now you expect the relationship to go up from there, but there wasn't a lot of room to grow. It's also a concern that he said he thought he loved you on the first date, at first sight. Love usually takes longer, so I wouldn't put too much credence into his love talk. Also, it's suspicious that he said he wouldn't see anyone else so quickly. That usually takes longer too.

Instead of worrying about when he disappears or doesn't respond right away, concentrate on making everything wonderful when you are together. Let him take the lead on future plans and getting the kids involved.

With two families to blend, this is a long journey, not a quick one. It will take time and experiencing things together before you really know whether or not he's suitable as a life partner. So enjoy him, see how things unfold, and learn to live with the insecurity of not having final answers for quite a while.

Good luck,
DearTrapMary