Eye Spy

DearTrapMary,

My boyfriend has always told me that if I keep looking for something, I'll be sure to find it.  He always claims that he's not cheating or even talking to other women, but when I look through his cell phone or even on our cell phone bill, I see women's numbers and also the amount of minutes he talks to them.  Then when I confront him about it, he has the nerve to turn the tables on me!  What should I do?

Signed,

Eye-Spy

Dear Eye-Spy,

Baby, why are you taking yourself through all of that, anyway?  First of all, you should NEVER go through someone else's phone.  That's an invasion of privacy and in no way is a good look.  Secondly, your boyfriend is right; if you DO look for something, you WILL find it.  There's no way around it.  I'm sure if you ask other women who have done this sort of thing (looked at emails, text messages, instant messages, etc), they'll tell you that in the end, they lost out.

Sweetheart, DearTrapMary isn't saying you need to walk around in a relationship BLIND, but what she is saying is that if you feel like you don't trust him, you need to not be with him.  Don't you have better things to do than to creep around spying on him?

You should be better than that, so don't do that anymore, okay?

Just like you're going to do whatever it is that you want to do, he's going to do the same.  We all have FREE WILL.

So you ask, what should you do:  and the answer is to control your own actions and stop concentrating on his.  If you feel you can't trust him, drop him.  But NEVER put yourself in a situation that will make you look like a fool.  In the end, if you do break up, he won't be able to say you were "crazy" or spying on him.  Save that job for professional investigators who get paid for that.

Let me know what happens,

Dear Trap Mary