Mixing Business and Pleasure

Dear Trap Mary,

I have been an entrepreneur for over fifteen years.  I do mostly interior design and occasionally help renovate homes (I don't do it myself, but I subcontract the work out).  I met this wonderful man who is also self employed, and I began working for him doing his admin stuff.  Well, as time passed, he and I became closer and began dating.  He always knew that I owned my own company, but from the hours I put into working for him, he also knows that his company is my main job.  Now today, he told me that he would have to fire me because by us pretty much having the same sort of company, it's a conflict of interest.  He said that if I ever get mad at him, I could steal his clientele, etc.

I would never do that.  First of all, that's not ethical and secondly...well, that's just not the sort of person I am.  I don't want to have to liquefy my company because it's something I basically started to pass on to my kids when they were grown up.  But at the same time, I don't want to lose my job at his company because I love what I do there. Since I've been there, a lot of changes have been made, greatly do to my opinions and suggestions...so I've invested as much into him and his company as I have in mine.

What should I do?  If I shut my company down and down the road his company closes down or he fires me, that would have been 15 years down the drain.  Please help!

Signed,

Stuck

Dear Stuck,

It's hard when trust is not there...that's what it sounds like.  You know how your ethics are, but you can't expect him to understand that about you. Not yet.  This takes time, and in time he'll see what kind of person you really are.  But I understand that it's pressing.  You have to choose between a job that you love & really want or the company that you own but don't do anything with.  This is very hard.  See, Luv Bug, I experienced something quite similar.  So I'll tell you about it, and perhaps it will help:

The guy and I had so much in common...we realized that right away.  We had the same drive, the same passion...everything seemed to point into the direction of "where have you been all my life?!".  Well, at some point he got those same exact feelings...that there was a conflict of interest.  He put me to the same test; leave that or leave this.  Not only was I hurt, but I was afraid of sacrificing what I had (a sure thing) for a relationship that may or may not work out in the future (a not-so-sure thing). For weeks I was torn, trying to weigh out everything carefully to make the right decision.  Then all of a sudden it came to me: how could he truly love me if he didn't respect me or trust me.  It was so simple.  I had to let him go.  And I did.  I found out a few months ago, actually, that he was no longer in the business because of "the economy" and was doing something else.  Had I decided to stick with him and his company, I would have been at a loss, too.

Luv Bug, just talk to him.  If you know in your heart that you would never betray him, then this is the perfect time for you to proove that to him.  If he loves you, he'll take a risk on you.  Especially if you are not in direct competetion (meaning, you're not actively going after his market).  Let him know that 2 heads are always better than one, and perhaps the two companies can merge during the time you are in the relationship, and if anything ever goes sour for the two of you, you can simply cut all ties and go back to your life the way it was before him.  Sign a contract stating that while under his employment, any customers that you get trough his company will remain his even after the fact, and that you will not solicit the employement of any of his clents.  If he still has a problem with that, then he's more into his paranoia than he is into you, and you don't need him.

Let me know how it works out.  And for future references, Luv Bug...don't mix business with pleasure.  Sometimes it works out, but more times than not it doesn't.

Dear Trap Mary